Kelly Cervantes is only 42 years old and has led many different lives. She has been a professional actress, an event planner, and, her least desired yet most fulfilling job, a caregiver for a daughter diagnosed with epilepsy.
Adelaide died five days before her fourth birthday. Since then, Kelly’s list of roles has continued to grow despite – or maybe thanks to – her grief. She wrote Normal Broken: The Grief Companion for When It’s Time to Heal but You’re Not Sure You Want To, created the blog Inchstones, became the host of the Seizing Life podcast and currently sits on the boards of the Undiagnosed Diseases Network Foundation and CURE Epilepsy. She also became an adoptive mother and is currently working on a new book.
Kelly and host Amy Boyle inaugurate Season 4 of Speaking of Phenomenal discussing two recurring topics in this podcast: women’s struggles to find the right place and time for their ambitions and our ability to adapt to the new paths life presents us, even amid grief.
And as Kelly reminds us, we can live grief in many areas of our life, not only death. “And if we can do a better job of putting a name to what those feelings are, I think we give ourselves a better chance of being able to move through it, to understand it, and to accept it.”
For Kelly, who was originally featured in the 52 Phenomenal Women project, acknowledging the things she has grieved throughout her adult life – including her daughter’s death and her career shifts – enabled her to grieve with less guilt and, at the same time, learn to carry the pain with her when she felt ready to move forward.
“I am now in a place where I can move forward with my life and still be grieving as opposed to in the darkest days of my grief where I was treading tar. I was stuck in place; everything else in the world was moving on without me, and I felt like I was just watching the train go by. And now I am in a place where I can carry that grief with me. But I’m on the train.”
Only then was she able to make room for her good ambitions: writing, speaking, sharing and even acting again.
Part of Kelly’s moving forward includes celebrating “inchstones:” small yet meaningful events that, together, build our lives. “If all we’re focused on is the end game, we’re missing so much joy and happiness along the way.”
We, too, have reasons to grieve and celebrate. If we’re stuck in grief, we work towards hopping back on the train of our lives. If good things happen, it’s up to us to celebrate. How we deal with those reasons is our choice.
Blog: Inchstones
Carolina Baldin is a freelance journalist from Brazil. Having worked in law, policy and regulation, she is passionate about everyday stories that illustrate larger issues. She graduated from a master's program at Northwestern University in 2023 and became a guest blogger on the "Speaking of Phenomenal" podcast blog in March 2024.
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